Yesterday, I had another huge realization about myself that I feel fits most everyone: judgment. It goes with the overlaying theme that we don’t believe we are good enough to, deserving enough or worthy enough and therefore we carry the judgment weight on our back.
For me it was this subconscious energy of judging others, not accepting others because at a deep level I don’t accept myself.
We grow up looking at other people and wanting to be like others, wanting to have what others have. That was my whole life, I always used to have friends or classmates that I would ”look up to” because I thought they were prettier than me or they wore their head like I would have wanted to wear my hair, or wore the clothes I would have wanted to wear. I grew up in a somewhat lack driven environment where for some reason I couldn’t have most of the things that I wanted. I’ve always been into style and loved wearing what is in style but that stuff was always too much to have or too expensive and so I was always bought what was necessary, what was modest, what was needed and nothing more. And so there was always this desire for more and also this belief that I couldn’t have more or we weren’t worthy to have more or we didn’t have enough to buy more.
And yes, this is me being completely raw, open and vulnerable because I know that I am not the only that had that experience and it’s damn to own it and then release it.
So moving on with my story....
For that reason (and many others, of course) I was the quite one, the reserved one, the one that wore the same sweater, the one that had the simple things, never the showy-sparkly things. And at a soul level, this was part of what I didn’t receive as a kid that created the belief that I wasn’t fully supported.
Fast forward to now, I discovered that I was holding on to judgment towards others because I don’t have what they have, or I’m not as outgoing or outspoken like they are which all of this leads to not being able to accept them. Why am I not accepting of them? Because I am not accepting of myself and who I am. And as I am writing this, I feel it deep in my heart, I feel all the emotions coming up and I am now finally able to release deeper and deeper layers of this.
You see most of my life I have never gone this deep into myself (of course, not that anyone was really taught this). It’s one of those things that I never wanted to admit to myself. It was buried deep within me that I didn’t want to look at it and it was almost as if I was in denial of this. When we thing of being judgmental or judging or being racist, or prejudice towards someone we never want to look at ourselves and see where we have actually been this or felt this or even judged someone else for being this. This is obviously a very big theme going on right now and I know this is happening because we all hold this inside of us at deep soul level. Why? Because we came here to dismantle that belief by carrying it inside of ourselves. So now it’s time to go deep.
Go deep within ourselves, to all the times where we felt judged, where we might have judged, where we weren’t accepting of others and even ourselves. A lot of times we feel like it’s our actions that define whether or not we have judgement within but no, it goes deeper. It is in our thoughts, our words, our perceptions, our beliefs, our energy. And trust me, we ALL have this at a deep energetic level, because we ALL came here to dismantle everything that comes with it.
Recognizing and becoming aware of what I am like in this moment has been a very big part of myself, because again I was just too scared to go that deep. I can admit now that I am just a quite, reserved, introverted person especially at first meet. It takes time for me to open up and share my thoughts, share my opinions especially in a big group, or in someone else’s company.
Speaking up is another big theme that I have grown up with. Not being able to speak up or feeling safe was so prevalent in my life. You have no idea how hard it has been to speak up, which leads into another thing that I need to dive deeper in but I will probably leave it for another post.
When my partner asked me to go deep into what I was feeling and how I wanted to re-write my program it all came down to acceptance. That is how I discovered that the reasons I was low key judgmental is because I wasn’t accepting of others because I wasn’t accepting of myself. So now it’s all about feeling all those emotions. Yes, all that hurt, all that pain, all those experiences, stories and memories that come along with it, feeling it all because like my partner says you feel to heal. Yes, there are tears that must be shed in order to release that chemical and cellular memory from the system and be fully accepting of your light.
At a soul level, our light is what we are not accepting of. Maybe we don’t want to shine bright, we don’t feel safe shining our light, we don’t believe we can shine bright and oh so many other beliefs.
Remember that your light is who you are, it’s almost impossible not to shine it.
Remember that it is safe to shine your light because that is who you are and what you came here to do.
Your light is what heals, creates, changes and awakens others.
So, yeah, there might be other things to work through this but the more I do the freer I become and the more I remember.
I may become a completely different person and in fact it is very likely that I will as I know that I am speaking up more that I used to.
That is this beautiful death and re-birth of the old into a completely new energy that may be unrecognizable.
Be totally ok with that as this is very normal and part of who we are.
With that, thanks for reading and feel free to share or comment!
Samantha SolBright ☼
Samantha is a New Earth Ascension Guide, WayShower, Author, Teacher, Wisdom Keeper, Ascended Being and Activator of Higher Consciousness supporting the planet and humanity as we transition to New Earth.